Play is not frivolous. It is not a luxury. It is not something to fit in after completing all the normal stuff. Play is the important stuff. Play is a need, a drive, a brain-building must-do.'
(Jeff. A Johnson, Denita Dinger, Let Them Play)
Play is hard work indeed! From the moment a baby discovers her hands, or sees beyond her mother’s face, the work (play) truly begins. You see, about 200 weeks after your baby is born, they will start preschool. In the meantime, they will need to pack in a whole lot of learning: learning to eat, walk, talk, think, listen, understand and interact. In 200 weeks! At the same time your child is establishing tens of millions of brain connections. Such a rate of learning is phenomenal and utterly unique to these early years.
Every action, thought or word of your child in these first three years will constitute as some sort of play. They can’t help themselves! Have you noticed how they make a game out of virtually everything? Do you remember the way they chucked that spoon over the side of the high chair when they were a baby, or had that irritating habit of slotting your credit card into the DVD, aged two? They were playing! This innate desire to learn is so powerful that it drives their behaviour each and every moment of their lives.
Any type of play is valuable to your child in these early years. Children need to play alone, and play with other children. They need to take part in pretend play and constructive play; they need to go outside to play on their bike, or make a den in the garden. However, research shows that when we play with our children, something fundamental happens. This same research proves ‘beyond irrefutability’ that all of the ‘social’ times we have with our parents before the age of three will not be remembered, but will effectively ‘rule’ the way we relate to other people for the rest of our lives. Just think! The times we play with our children will literally change the chemistry of their brain by establishing the essential connections needed for the child’s future social and emotional skills. This isn’t the survival of the fittest. It is the survival of the loved.
Every action, thought or word of your child in these first three years will constitute as some sort of play. They can’t help themselves! Have you noticed how they make a game out of virtually everything? Do you remember the way they chucked that spoon over the side of the high chair when they were a baby, or had that irritating habit of slotting your credit card into the DVD, aged two? They were playing! This innate desire to learn is so powerful that it drives their behaviour each and every moment of their lives.
Any type of play is valuable to your child in these early years. Children need to play alone, and play with other children. They need to take part in pretend play and constructive play; they need to go outside to play on their bike, or make a den in the garden. However, research shows that when we play with our children, something fundamental happens. This same research proves ‘beyond irrefutability’ that all of the ‘social’ times we have with our parents before the age of three will not be remembered, but will effectively ‘rule’ the way we relate to other people for the rest of our lives. Just think! The times we play with our children will literally change the chemistry of their brain by establishing the essential connections needed for the child’s future social and emotional skills. This isn’t the survival of the fittest. It is the survival of the loved.
Children crave time with us. Having a one to one time with a parent ticks all the boxes for a child. They will enjoy playing with a sibling or a friend, but there is something profoundly significant about playing with our parent. The benefits are endless. To start with, the relationship between parent and child builds and strengthens. As a result of this connection, the child feels important and special. Research shows that oxytocin levels (the happiness hormone) in both adult and child increase as they play together!
This all sounds very joyful and all, but what about the reality? What if we are just too tired to play with our child? What if you find playing with your child boring, or if it always seems to end in tears? What if we just don’t LIKE playing? There doesn’t seem to be a lot of point in ‘vroom vrooming’ a toy car around the carpet at 5.00 in the morning, or pretending to be a piggy as your child plays with her farm animals. Snort, snort.
There are no secret formulas here, no special words or magic recipes. But it is very simple. All that your child needs is your time.
I would suggest that you give all of your attention for fifteen minutes or half an hour at a time. Listen hard, follow your child’s play, and give 100% of your attention. Enter their ‘zone’. You will discover that nothing particularly exciting or profound will happen; you won’t ‘achieve’ anything much. Your attention may wander as you remember the washing is getting wet out on the line, or the dog is whining at the door. Ignore everything. Eyeball your child, listen with the concentration you’d use in a board meeting, and smile at all his corny jokes. Because the miracle is happening inside your child’s brain. Connections are being made, needs are being met, and happiness is being grown!
Your child will not necessarily appreciate your spotless kitchen counters. He won’t reminisce about the fancy fish cakes you made for his tea, or the Oshkosh top he wore on his third birthday. But he WILL appreciate the lasting legacy of your shared play; a legacy of self-esteem, confidence, happiness and success.
It's a small price to pay for such massive dividends.
Happy vroom vrooming!
It's a small price to pay for such massive dividends.
Happy vroom vrooming!
